Never A Dull Moment
by Subotai
Summary: Brooklyn House is quite odd already. Everyone knows that. Will three new, strange, trainees push Brooklyn House over the edge into complete and total chaos? Probably. Has OCs, so if you don't like those, don't read it. Rated T, so I have leeway in case I want to do anything later. First fanfic, so please be nice. Or not. I don't really care.
1. Chapter 1: More Trainees More Chaos

**Warning, there are OCs in here. If you don't like them, then don't read it! I DON'T OWN KANE CHRONICALS!**

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1. More Trainees. More Chaos.

It was about 8:30 in the morning, almost time to start classes, and it was drizzling. [Carter claims it was pouring, and only a Brit would think its drizzling.] We were all stuffing our faces with breakfast when the doorbell rang. "I got it." I mumbled through a mouthful of pancakes, opening the door.

Three sopping wet teens stood there. "It's wet." the tallest one said. The shortest one face-palmed.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious. Anyway, can we come in?" said the third, who had a sword sticking out of his backpack.

"I'm going to assume you guys are trainees. You can come in." Once they came in, I got a better look at them. The shortest one had long, shaggy hair, which he proceeded to shake like a dog, splattering water all over the room. The tall one took a moment to wipe off his glasses on his camouflage jacket.

"And this is why I hate glasses." he muttered. "Hi, I'm Mike, the strange one with the sword is Rob, and the dwarf over there is Steve." Mike explained.

"I am not a dwarf!" Steve objected. Mike just looked down at him. "Point taken." Steve acknowledged.

"And how am I strange?" Rob asked, polishing his sword. Mike attempted to hide behind Rob.

"Oh, knock it off." I interrupted. "We still need to train you, and I'm already tired of you guys arguing. Are you going to this a lot?"

They glanced at each other. "Yes." they replied in unison.

Just when I was about to kill them, Carter walked over. "So, what kind of magic do you do?"

"No idea!" Steve enthusiastically replied.

"Well, I guess we should get you started on your training." Carter said, leading them to the library. "This is the library." Carter explained.

"Really?" Rob sarcastically. "I never would have guessed!"

Carter just glared at Rob and slid them all a sheet of papyrus. "Write a word, and try to summon something." Carter coldly informed them, still a little offended.

"Hmm…" Steve mused. "Cheese!" he yelled, writing it down. When a small slice appeared, he immediately scarfed it, then passed out.

"That's nothing new." Mike told us. "He does this a lot."

"It was probably the magic." I explained.

"You never know with Steve." Rob interrupts, while summoning a marker.

"What do you need that… oh." Mike said, realizing Rob's plan. "Why?"

"He's asleep. I'm bored."

"Good enough for me." Mike said, turning the other way. "Now what do I write?" he wondered. After furiously scribbleing for a minute he turned toward me, with a disappointed look on his face. "Nothings working."

"I'm sure you'll be..." I attempted to reassure him. Then everything went dark.

**Sorry it's so short. Please review. Pretty please. **


	2. Chapter 2: I Pet the Big Red Dog

**Sorry that my last chapter was so short. I'll try to do better. I DON'T own Kane Chronicles.**

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2. I Get to Pet the Big, Red, Funny-looking Dog

Hello? Hello? Is this working? [Loud crashing noises. Thuds. Rob, shut up. I am _not _technologically inept. What, six syllables too much for you? Ow. Sorry. No, you don't get to tell tell this part! You want to know why? You were asleep! And no, I don't care that you were knocked unconscious. OW! Stop hitting me!]

I apologize for my friend's behavior. Rob is mean. [ STOP! HITTING! ME!] I think _I _should get to tell the part where I saved us from Clifford. So… the story. Yeah. Here we go.

I'll just pick up where Sadie left off. "I'm sure you'll be…" she started to say, before a giant red dog leaped from out of now here and knocked her out. Worst pep talk ever. Carter fared slightly better. He was able to curse before he got knocked out. Rob was pathetic [Ow] and was out of the fight quickly.

"Good doggie." I told the beast. "Good boy." I edged closer, sticking my hand out. When I got close enough, I put my hand on the dog's head, and slowly stroked his fur, calming him down. "You have a name?" I asked. "How 'bout Clifford?" [You know, 'cause he's a big red dog? Oh, forget it.] Clifford's eyes started to close, and before long I had a 50-pound dog head snoring on my lap. "Good boy." I reassured him, opening my book. After a few pages I dozed off. You try staying wake with a dog sleeping on top of you. The fact that the book was about a hundred years old and as boring as a bag of bricks didn't help matters. [Okay Rob, I guess I was asleep for a large portion of the chapter. Happy?]

I was still dozing when someone walked in. A girl's voice yelled "Oh my god", and then there was a slew of screaming and incomprehensible words like "animal" and "hat" and "pineapple upside down cake". Of course, I'm not exactly known for being a good listener. I yawned stood up, carefully moving the dog's head. [Again, how was I supposed to know it wasn't a dog? Yes, I know its red. And really big. So I guess it doesn't look like a dog at all. I can't believe I didn't notice that. Shut up Rob.]

"Who are you?" the girl asked "Are you Set?

"I sure hope not." I reply "I'm Mike. And you are…"

"I'm Cleo." she replied. "Why is everyone…"

"Unconscious? Clifford knocked 'em out. Good boy." I rubbed the dog's head again. [I'm going to keep calling it that. Get over it.]

"Should I wake them up?" Cleo asked, thoroughly confused by this point.

"No, well not yet at least." I said, pulling a marker out of my pocket.

"What are you going to do with that?" she asked.

"I thought it was obvious. I'm going to draw on their faces, then ride away on Clifford, _then _you wake them up." At this point a short kid accompanied by a herd? flock? squad? platoon? of attack penguins. For some reason the kid yelled "Leroy!" and had his penguins attack me. It was just like that time when the chickens... never mind. While I was reminiscing about the chicken incident, I was tackled by a penguin platoon.

I attempted to reason with the penguins, mainly by trying to brain them with a rock I had in my pocket (don't ask). This appeared to annoy the little kid more, causing him to try and freeze me with a snowstorm. By this point, my faithful dog Clifford had woken up and come to my rescue, swallowing the penguins whole, and causing the little kid to run away, and Cleo (who had managed to stay out of this) to puke and run screaming in the other direction. I have that affect on people.

Aa athletic kid in running shorts came running, and chucked a small, shiny object at me. When it turned into a rhino, I had Clifford eat it. I then proceeded to throw everything I found at the athletic kid, and before long there was a zoo in the room, with dozens of giant turtles, a handful of greyhounds, and a flock of seagulls causing havoc.

Carter and Sadie chose this point to wake up.

It took about minutes to calm everything down, during which the athletic kid, who I found out was named Walt, had gotten a large cut on his forehead, and I got a broken arm when the damage caused by one of the turtles caused a large chuck of a statue to hit my arm. Apparently, maiming people is frowned upon here, so I lost desert privileges for a week, while Walt and Felix got off with a scolding. (Felix because he's little, and I should know better than to beat up little people's pets; and Walt because he thought I was Set, who is apparently these peoples' enemies.) I personally thought that Walt not getting in trouble had more to do with him being Sadie's boyfriend than him thinking I'm Set. [Now you're hitting me too? You're supposed to be in charge! OUCH!] I'm not good at first impressions.

**Finally, I got this up, and the ****story is long enough! Update in a week? Maybe? Review if you like it, and if you have ideas, send them.**


	3. Chapter 3: Sadie Goes Bald

**If you don't know this by now, you're an idiot, but I don't own Kane Chronicles. That means I would be Rick Riordan, writing a lot better, and I would be working on a story that I get paid for.**

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3. Sadie Goes Bald.

I was walking down the hallway when I heard Sadie yelling. That is NEVER a good sign. It usually ends with a "Ha-di" and me having to clean up the mess. When I turned the corner, I was surprised to see her yelling at our new trainees, who I thought had been going along nicely. They didn't destroy anything as far as I knew, so they were dining fine by my count. Nevertheless, I decided to make sure Sadie didn't kill them.

"What did you do with the Set animal?" Sadie yelled.

"We've been over this," Mike sighed. "We let him loose in the scrapyard. We didn't think it was fair to keep him cooped up in here."

"And what if we need to find it?" Sadie asked.

"I call and he comes running." Mike explained. "I'm not stupid."

"Are you sure about that?" Rob interjected. "We're still trying to figure out if you're a complete idiot or not."

"He isn't." Steve interrupted. "He's got a few parts missing."

I finally made it over to the conversation. "What's the problem?"

Sadie yelled first "These idiots let a Set animal run loose around the nome!"

"I wouldn't say 'loose'." Mike attemptted to weasel out of the accusation. "He's under control. More or less."

I saw a simple solution to the problem. "Why don't we just have Mike call it, and we kill it?"

Sadie sighed in exasperation "He claims it's his pet. He won't let us."

"It's simple." I whispered. "We sneak out tonight, hunt it down, and kill it."

Night swiftly came, and under the cover of darkness we snuck out, armed to the teeth to kill the rogue Set animal. Sadie pulled out an amulet Walt gave her. It was supposed to tell her where the Set animal was. We swiftly tracked the animal to its lair. Big mistake. It rushed out, and tackled Sadie. I summoned my combat avatar and slashed at it. The animal ducked, and stuck under my guard. It started to gnaw on my avatar, and I would have been done for if Sadie hadn't killed the beast with a Ha-di. Everything was fine.

I woke up the next morning to the sound of screaming, coming from Sadie's room. I rushed with my sword out, preparing to kill a monster, but just saw Sadie in front of a mirror. It took me a moment to figure out what was going on. Sadie was bald. She had no hair. When she noticed me, she walked over and hander me a note. I quickly read it it. It said:

"Nice haircut. -Carter"

"I didn't write that!" I protested, but it was too late. Sadie was already really ticked off, and someone made her think I shaved her head. I did the only reasonable thing. I ran out of the room yelling "Please don't hit me!"

**Another chapter done. I don't like making long chapters, and Carter was hard. This is probably really terrible, I know.**


	4. Chapter 4: Coping

**Yay! New chapter! I get to be angry Sadie now. Insert maniacal laughter here. I don't own Kane Chronicles.**

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Chapter 4. Coping.

Oh gods, I was going to kill Carter. When I woke up with NO HAIR!, I was angry, but it was only when I saw Carter's note that I got _really _angry. I was going to kill him. When he walked in, I could barely control myself. What would Walt think of my hair? That sent me into another wave of fury, and I started charging down the hallway. On the way, Cleo tried to stop me.

"Calm down." she advised "It wasn't him."

**"**Who was it then?" I challenged.

"I can't tell you." she apologized.

One of the new kids, Steve? slithered out of an air duct. "If you really want to know, it was Walt" Steve informed me. "But you didn't here it from me. I don't exist as far as this is concerned. Walt scares me." And as quickly as he came, he was slithering back through the air system. I could hear him muttering "Scary death god" as he crawled.

_Walt? Walt_ did this? Now I didn't know what to do. When in doubt, lock yourself in a room with enough ice cream to live off of until your hair grows back. I decided to lock myself in my room, and wait for my hair to grow. I never said it was a _good _plan.

At some point, around halfway through my half gallon of mint chocolate chip ice ice cream, walt walked in. I didn't hesitate.

"_Ha-wi!" _I knocked him back out the door and into the wall.

He staggered back in. "What did I do?" He complained

I just pointed at my head.

"Who did that?" he asked, acting like he didn't know.

"You!" I yelled, preparing to ha-di him this time.

"Hold on there a second," Walt urged "Why would I do it? You're my girlfriend. I love you."

Now that I that I thought about it, it didn't make much sense. "Who do you think did it?"

"Not sure." he admitted. "I think Mike is still angry that you killed Clifford."

It hit me like a flash of lightning. "He had his friend tell me it was you! And he must have planted that note!"

"We have some talking to do." Walt said, rubbing his back.

We walked down the hallways to the Mike's room and "ha-di"ed the door open. As I walked in, a rope caught my foot. I found myself hanging from the ceiling. Walt read a note pinned to the rope.

"Ha ha. Gotcha. We ride for Gondor! And Clifford. - Mike, and Steve, and Rob"

"Thanks. Now can you get me down?" I asked.

"Sure." Walt hurriedly untied the rope, causing me to land on my head.

I took a moment to think. Where could they be?

We scry-chatted with Uncle Amos later that day.

"Is anything going on?" Amos asked.

"Well," Carter, who had been informed of the situation "We may have lost a few trainees."

"We may have found them." Amos coldly replied.

"What?" I yelled.

"A tall guy in a camouflage jacket, a kid with a samurai sword, and a short cheese elemental with a lot of hair?" Amos asked.

"How?" Walt asked. "How did you know?"

"There was a sighting of rouge magicians in Canada today. There was a guerrilla strike on the Ontario nome. Apparently they thought it would be easier to conquer." Amos told us. "Fortunately, the attack was repulsed, and the rouges caught. They managed to kill almost 100 shabti before they were caught. No defenders were were injured."

"Really? Where are they?" I asked.

To my surprise, Mike walked in. "The battle plans are done." he told Amos. "Oh, hi guys."

"What is he doing?!" I yelled, totally lost at this point.

"Drawing up the battle plans to deal with several monster armies." Mike said, acting like it was totally logical.

Carter was confused too. "A rebel. Drawing up our battle plans."

Amos shrugged. "They're good. And it was his plans, not any skill, that let them kill so many shabti."

"But..." Walt said.

"We have them under control." Amos assured us.

Steve walked in. He was trying to eat his bindings, which appeared to be the Seven Ribbons of Hathor.

"Anyway." Amos reassured us. "We have them under control. We're sending them back tomorrow. Bye." He ended the scrying.

Carter turned to me. "That was strange."

"You can say that again."

**Another chapter done. Yay! Another one will be up eventually.**


	5. Chapter 5:Last WIll and Testiment

**Okay. Trying another chapter. Don't own Kane Chronicles. Now here we go...**

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Chapter 5: Last Will and Testiment.

This is all the Kanes' fault. They should have had a clearer rulebook. Apparently attacking Canadians is frowned upon in this place. _Someone _forgot to put that in the "Don't Do This" list. (I don't care if no one thought it would happen. You really didn't expect something like this to happen?) I'm going to take this all the way back, right before we left Brooklyn House to launch our ill-advised plan of conquest. Considering this will serve as my testimony to the court, evidence at my death, and probably my will, forgive me if I go on for a long time. I want to get down what _really _happened...

It was the morning after Clifford was killed. When I called, he didn't come. I knew he was dead. So I got a little angry and shaved Sadie's head. Planting the note blaming it on Carter was a stroke of genius. Getting Steve to blame it on Anubis? Even better! Unfortunatly, that made us a few enemies, and by "few" I mean pretty much everyone. Not good. So you see, we had to leave! IT was all there fault for killing Clifford. Right?

So we made our way to Canada. We figured it be pretty easy to conquer, and I already had some basic strategies written up. It took about 3 trains, a _very _tricky customs inspection (try sneaking a katana through border security sometime, especially if you're a minor), and 192.56 dollars. When we finally managed to reach the Ontario nome, we made a quick plan.

"They're going to send shabtis." I quickly informed them. "Rocks can kill them pretty easily. We're going to use battle plan 'C' (for Cannae). Ready?"

If you knew about the battle of Cannae, you would know that we were planning to lure them into a trap to demolish them. Unfortunately, there were far too many, and even though we killed several dozen, they kept on flooding onwards.

When the hoards came pouring out, it was clear we had underestimated them[Fine Rob. _I _underestimated. I didn't expect a tough defense from people who have a strategic maple syrup reserve.]

Our plan quickly disintegrated into us using hit-and-run attacks, throwing a rock at the horde of oncoming shabti, then running away. It could only go on so long, and we were quickly rounded up. The Canadians decide to send us to the 1st nome, where a dude who looked like a jazz musician stood, tapping his foot.

"Who are you?" he asked "Set? Is that you? Or are you rebels?"

"Well you see, it all depends on your definition of rebel. Well, I guess, um yeah. We attacked Canada!" Steve blurted out.

"We also shaved Sadie's head." Rob interjected.

Some people shouldn't be allowed to talk.

"I can explain...' I weaseled.

"Don't bother." Jazz Dude interrupted. Good thing too, I had no clue where I was going with that.

"I'm only going to ask this one more time. Who are you? If you don't tell me, Amos Kane, the Chief Lector , things will get unpleasant." His voice took on a more sinister tone.

I realized I needed to butt in if I wanted to salvage the situation.

"We're trainees at the 21st nome. Carter and Sadie killed my pet Set animal, so we decided to get even." I calmly explained, praying that my explanation got us off the hook.

"So you decided to attack the Ontario nome?" Amos asked.

'Yes. We figured it would be an easy target."

"I want to know what battle plans you used. According to the reports, you guys used no magic, and the only reason you held out so long was a complicated plan the Canadians couldn't understand." Amos asked. "We have a couple of monster and rebel armies that we need to kill. if you help us design the plans to beat them, you're off the hook."

It seemed to good to be true.

"However, you will need to be magically bound for a while, until you prove trustworthy." Amos continued.

Before my friends could mess things up, I sealed the deal."Done."

Me and Steve started to work on the plans. Rob just sat there sharpening the deadly weapons he had concealed in his sweatshirt.

Several hours later, we had finished up. We wandered around to find Amos. Lo and behold, we found him talking to Carter and Sadie! This should be fun, I thought.

It turns out Amos was planning on sending us back to the 21st nome. Bummer. If I die when I get there, I want Steve to have my collection of random stuff, my books donated to the 21st nome's library, I want Rob to take care of my animals, and...

Recording forcibly ended.

**Okay. Another chapter done. Advantage of short chapters: done fast. If someone reviews fast enough, I'll start another chapter tonight, with a 50% chance of it being done tonight. **

**Tell me who you want to tell the next chapter. Your options are:**

**Mike**

**Steve**

**Sadie**

**Carter**

**Cleo**

**Felix**

**Walt**

**However, I don't know how good I'll be at the different characters, but if you guys want me to try, I'll give it a shot. Thanks to Gaia was Framed, who actually reviews every someone reviews by 8 o clock on September 19, then I'll begin writing another chapter.**

**Yours truly,**

**Subotai**


	6. Chapter 6:The Prank War

**Sorry it took so long. I had a LOT of homework. Please forgive me.**

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Chapter 6: The First Prank War

They _knew _I was angry. When they walked through the swirling portal of sand, Steve looked at my head and suppressed a snigger. Mike tried to shut him up, but ended up cracking up, falling over, and rolling around on the ground laughing at the top of his lungs. Carter had to restrain me.

When Mike finally regained his composure, he simply said "Revenge is sweet."

This time Cater and Walt had to work together to keep me from ripping his head off.

"You did kill our pet." Rob interjected. "How would you feel if we killed Khufu? I was personally in favor of breaking a few limbs. Are we even?" Rob asked with a dangerous glint in his eye.

"Sure." Carter said, replying for all of us, with a look that said this was far from over.

Unfortunately, we aren't allowed to cause permanent physical (or mental) harm to our trainees, so a flat out attack was out of the question (darn it). We called a council of war between us Kanes, Bast, Walt, and a few other older trainees like Jaz, Alyssa, and Cleo to figure out to get counter revenge.

"I have called this meeting to order," I grandly proclaimed "We must figure out the grand question of revenge, and counter revenge!" (Carter claims I watch to much telly. Hogwash! No such thing as too much telly!)

"We could just leave them alone. You did kill their pet." Jaz pointed out.

"REVENGE!"I yelled.

A herd of cats with flaming tails poured into the room.

"What the heck!"Walt sputtered.

"Sacrilegious!" Bats bellowed, furiously trying to put the cats out (strangest sentence ever).

A pigeon with a small scroll tied to its leg waddled in, with what appeared to be a smug look on its face [Yes, Carter, I am serious]. We chased the pidgeon around until we managed to catch and subdue it.

Amid the furious scuffling of flaming cats, we read the scroll:

"Really? You tried to pull one over on us? You thought we would fall for that? Amateurs. We just pulled off what is called a 'preemptive strike'. You guys really need to read more military history. However, I can't claim credit for the cat idea. It was from a story I read about the Mongols. Better luck next time,

Mike, Steve, Rob

PS. Do want the videotape autographed? Its going on youtube, and we're making a movie out of it..."

After the cat incident, the perpetrators were, surprise, no where to be found. I decided to go to bed, already planning my counter-counter-counter revenge.

When I woke up, I decide to watch the video they put on youtube. It was, quite honestly, hilarious. That only made me angrier. I shambled down to breakfast, watching around every corner for a flaming cat, or a pair of scissors, or some other unknown horror.

I reached the Great Room, and what I was completely baffled at the scene that lay before me.

Herds of penguins charged across an icy expanse, only for their charge to be torn to pieces by sand animals shaped like greyhounds, supported by cheese artillery. Golems rose up only to be beheaded by a ninja, who I recognized as Rob. Only on Brooklyn House.

The battle seemed to be going evenly, but Mike and Steve seemed to be tiring quickly. When it seemed like Felix and Alyssa would win, a flanking maneuver surrounded their forces and routed their army, Mike and Steve promptly sat down, and passed out.

**So sorry it took so long. I only really have time on weekends. If you stick with me, thanks. Story chapters will have a longer update interval, a week or so between chapters. **

**Yours truly,**

**Subotai**


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